I am not good

So a friend asked me a while back...why I treat people like I do. Why I do nice things, why I go out of my way sometimes to treat people...good.

I have tried to think of an...eloquent answer. Unfortunately, I'm not very eloquent. So here we go...

First of all, I do not think I'm this great person at all. Second, this old world is miserable enough...I don't need to contribute to peoples...hurt/pain/sadness/misery...I want to be a positive person.

Thirdly, and most serious...I try to be a kind person, a loving and caring person because...I think it is something this dirty rotten place needs. I try to represent the Jesus that I love. The Jesus that loves me...despite the fact that I try to represent him and fail miserably on a daily basis. Jesus was the human representation of Father God and...I live my life...as a representative...as a witness to his glory and love. Understand this: Without Christ...I'd probably not really care about...anyone. Just being honest.

I do because since I've come to know the Lord and have gotten to know him...this is just...part of who He is molding me into.


...so I was reading today in 1st Peter and I stumbled upon several verses. 1st Peter 3:8-10

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing

also 1st John 4:7-12

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I have searched for an answer to that question in my mind. And come to find out...well what better place to get an answer than scripture.

So yeah those verse summarize some of the reasons why. I could probably write more...but I don't think I have to.

So thank you Peter and John for so perfectly wording something that has been rolling around in my head.

Yeap. Goodnight

desperate

this just popped into my head and I wanted to write it before it popped back out.

We have a regular that comes in our coffee shop. Carl, he's a great old guy, talks to me all the time about baseball. Loves to give me grief about my allegiance to the Red Sox and we have a good time talking about all kinds of stuff. I would say I have a good re pore with him.

Today we talked about the whole Clemens thing. I personally despise this whole thing, I think it's an issue of pride for Roger. I think he just doesn't want to admit using a performance enhancing whatever.

I hope he is innocent, but just like the senator, I have a hard time believing it.

Regardless, look at every one who apologizes. For the most part we as the general public accept it. We might make jokes, in the case of Bill Clinton, but for the most part...we forgive and sorta let them off the public hook.

Jason Giambi is once again in the good graces of baseball, Andy Pettitte made it through his spring training interview okay, he owned his mistake. We probably won't hear too much about it.

All I am saying...we respond to confession.

We respond to people just laying it all out and saying...

Hey I'm a human being, I have flaws...here they are...

We are such a private bunch of people. We keep things so close to our hearts. We keep secrets and hide the "percieved" dirty things away because we don't think people will love us. We are so afraid to be....open and real.

I'll be the first one to admit....I've got some rough places in my life, some dirty messy places. And its scary...because I don't want people to know...I have imperfections. But I cling to the fact that I have a Father who loves me and shows me...mercy and grace. Who forgives me and tells me....you matter to me my beautiful creation.

I'm not crazy...I don't think. But I think there is something to be said about confession, about owning ones mistakes. I think it takes a big person to say, yes, I was wrong or yes, I lied.

Maybe, even...Yes, God...I desperately need you...because....I'm just plain rotten without you.

Yes, God...I'm desperate

friends

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies --Aristotle

In the last few weeks I have talked to or heard from people I haven't talked to in years. It's been good to hear from people and to know...somewhere in their busy lives a thought of me crossed their minds.

The random messages or comments left on blogs, phone calls, old photographs or just plain old memories have reminded me...how important the people who have come through my life have been.

I love this quote from Good Will Hunting:

We get to choose who let into our weird little worlds

It is so true. Sometimes friendships begin in the strangest places, circumstances or times in life. And sometimes it begins with...hey I've been here too. It's always a risk letting new people into our lives. We never know how things will turn out, which is why on those rare occasions when we do find those people who like being around us despite our junk and the mess that we all have in our lives...what an awesome thing that is.

I honestly don't think I would have made it out of high school, my first two years of college at Western Carolina or even my last two and a half at SWU without incredible people around me. Even my life now...I don't think I would make it through the day to day without the people I have around me.

There are some people who are directly responsible for helping me break out of my shell and come out from behind my walls, to see things from different perspectives, for helping me understand life and what its like to live it. I don't think everyone of them are aware of it, but they made an impact.


I feel so bad for neglecting to keep in touch and staying in peoples lives. It is so hard, and I think most people will agree that keeping up with everyone you call "friend" is hard. We always have this revolving door of people who are walking in and out of our lives. Each one of them leaving a new and distinct mark on us.


I think we all get wrapped in our lives so much that we often forget all the good, bad and in between moments and people who have shaped us.

Sappy? nah, I don't think so.

I think most people would agree with me.

I'd just like to say I'm thankful for all the people in my life past and present. Thank you for everything.




...lets keep in touch

needful things

Anyone catch the Stephen King reference?

I have become a newspaper junkie. We aren't allowed to have computers at work for the downtime on some shifts, so I don't really have the opportunity to work on anything. I get to talk and read, so I do both...a lot. I read an article about how it looks like Blu-ray is about to win the HD war.

1. I collect two things: Books and Movies. The prospect of a new media does not make me smile.
2. I do not have any desire to buy a HD tv or corresponding player.
3. If Blu-ray wins...my DVD's are going the way of the dinosaur..
4. People ask me about my money situation and how much I have to raise. I tell them close to 19 thousand. Is that all? most exclaim, thats not much. Well when you have learned to live on less than 10 for 3 years...its a ton.
5. Why is 20 thousand nothing? Even as Christians who talk about stewardship and talking care of what we have do we have too much stuff?
6. Mother Teresa...you have my respect.
7. I am going to Asbury, KY this weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. I need the recharge time and it will be good to be with family.
8. My January/February newsletter is hitting inboxes...before I clock in for work so...be on the look out.

That is enough for now...stay tuned

2 posts in 24 hours...

So I realize that people do read my blog and they would probably read it more if I updated more often. I figure if Heath Mullikin can update on an almost daily basis...I should be able to too.


1. Blockbuster online is an awesome thing. I started an account mainly to watch the West Wing. I'm through season 3 and about to start season 4....
2. It is political season and the fact that I dislike most of the candidates spurred me to watch the West Wing. I really love this show and I plan to buy the boxed set eventually, its high price tag is holding that off for a while. I like the fact that the President played by Martin Sheen is a strong leader, a man of value and honor. No, He isn't perfect and their are problems with his candidacy, but I want that kind of guy as president. Is it a stretch to say I'd vote for President Barlett...?
3. I am hating Roger Clemens and baseball right now.
4. I sent 200 letters to Wesleyan Churches in Chesapeake, E. NY and E. New Hampshire, South Coastal and FL requesting 20 bucks from each church. I still have about 300 more to send out to NC East and West, SC and Penn-Jersey (Heath help a brother out!). This was a bold step for me...lets see how it goes.
5. I love my Mac. What I really hate is that I think I want to get Leopard and a Time Capsule. Tons of money for great stuff still equals tons of money spent. Just don't know if I want to commit that much to stuff like that right now.

Well, other stuff is waiting to be done. More later

The destruction of baseball

I do not write much. With that said the state of baseball upsets me. I was not a fan until my sophomore year of college. I became a fan because of the fun of rivalry and then I fell in love.

Everything that is going on right now with Roger Clemens makes me sick. Here is someone who was and still is one of the best pitchers to ever grace any mound, any where in the world.

This whole charade is stupid, a waste of tax payer money and an even bigger black mark on an already negative time in the history of baseball.

Seriously. Stop the media coverage it isn't helping anything. One of the senators told Clemens "you are one of my heroes sir, but I have a hard time believing you".

That is sad. I am tired of all the controversy, just play baseball.

Questions

I ask a lot of questions. Why do I have to do this, why is this important, what makes this person tick, what makes me tick, have I been a good friend or am I failing miserably? Tons of questions...they race through our heads constantly.

So I have been having some great dialog with people lately about God. There have been many questions asked that I...honestly haven't been able to answer with out some thought and some I just...can't answer.

One of those questions is why do I believe in God. More in specifically...what makes me believe in God, what makes me say that God exists and loves me. That was a really tough question, there are things that I have sorted through and dealt with personally that has helped me know that God exists and loves me.

So is it faith? Yes. So you just believe? Yes. That doesn't make sense. Sure it does.

I don't know...it is tough to answer questions like that. I thought about it like this.

"I have to believe that the God Jesus invites us to trust is as good as he says he is.

Loving.

Forgiving.

Merciful.

Full of grace."

I have to believe that...because for me if I don't ...my life really isn't worth living.

I look around me on a daily basis and see the emptiness of this world. I see the hurt in people's eyes. I see people who are chasing and pursuing things that will never fulfill them and will always, always let them down and leave them empty...and wondering why. I HATE IT. IT BREAKS MY HEART!!!!

This world offers me nothing to live for. Nothing. The only thing it offers is more hurt, more pain, more sorrow, more loss and more emptiness.

Take for example the tragic death of actor Heath Ledger. He is an individual that had wealth, fame, success and a list of other things that by the world's definition should have made him happy. But apparently they didn't...because he allegedly took his own life today. So what would drive a person who had essentially every earthly desire filled to take their own life? I have a guess. He was seeking God and finding other...stuff to fill the empty spaces in his soul and it just never...satisfied.

So I have to believe in God. Because He offers me something. He offers me unconditional love. A love that will never fail, never forsake, never let down, that shakes the world, changes lives, makes stone hearts beat, renews my spirit, forgives my sins, lifts me up, makes me feel alive and fills my soul.

I believe that because He has promised that to me. Throughout scripture God makes covenants/promises with his creation (us)...and He keeps every single one of them.