Opening Day

I can almost smell the sweet aroma of fresh cut grass, hot dogs and a spring evening. Only a couple of hours until I leave for Atlanta to see the Braves take on the Pirates at Turner Field.

Charles got me a ticket to go with him, his wife Cherith and a couple of friends from High School. I've been looking forward to this game since I knew I had a ticket.

Now I'm not a Braves fan at all, but it is opening day and I don't care who is playing...it will be fun. The beginning of a new year and a chance for Boston to create a dynasty.

I got to see Boston play here last season which was incredible. To see them play in the season they won a championship was pretty sweet. I got to see Beckett pitch, Paplebon closed and Pappi hit a homer (that I missed).

Tonight Tom Glavine, the Braves prodigal son will be taking the mound against...well the Pirates (I can't really think of any notable players for them).

I'm super stoked!!!

Anyway, April is upon us...everyone enjoy the last day of March.

credit

Apparently, the photo in my blog was taken by Charles and everyone has been stealing his stuff off Flickr and not giving him credit.

Charles Meeks took the incredible picture of the Kangaroo running away from him. His photography skills are top notch.

Oh and his brother took the one of me and the Geese. Thanks Rob.

good news

Well I have some really cool news...

I've got a ticket to see the Atlanta Braves on opening day!

Charles and Cherith are coming down to see our friend Todd in Spartanburg and I think we are all going to the game on Monday. Should be a super fun time. Plus Heath will be here on April 1st, that is also really cool news.

Today I'm going to be making church phone calls in a little bit...

I have some more news, but I can't quiet reveal it yet because I don't want to jump the gun. Pray for me and decisions that are being made.

Stay tuned...

Water for Hartwell?

I read this article a few minutes ago and felt sad.

After a peaceful union of over 1,500 years a section of Western Antarctica finally had enough today. The section of ice that emancipated itself is about seven times the size of Manhattan and was the edge of the larger Wilkins Ice Shelf. Experts have suspected since '95 that the smaller rebel section would one day succeed. Today, the good 'ole boy finally gave the rest of Antarctica the slip. Fortunately, South Carolina scientists have been able to remove a smaller piece, which they have nicknamed "Sherman" and the Army is flying it here using three Chinook helicopters. Experts say that the ice should melt slowly over the next couple of months and raise the water level in Lake Hartwell back to normal, they also stated that the nickname was chosen in hope that it would deter Atlanta from further theft.


I was in a funny mood and I've been reading/watching stuff on the Presidents, Lincoln, and early America. I took some liberties with some of the references especially since I don't think any South Carolinian would name anything Sherman.

Unless it was to prevent Atlanta from stealing our water!!!!!!

prayer and progress

March is here, Spring is here, and the madness has once again returned.

The Basketball games have been fun to watch and my Tar-heels have made me proud this month. My bracket is slowing coming apart but that is part of the fun.

I have to be honest. I have tried to fast and pray this week. I'm finding out I'm not very good at either. The fasting part was just physically difficult and found myself eventually eating. With praying I am finding that I do not really know how to pray.

Written, out-loud, silent, eyes closed/open and liturgical. They all make sense...I just feel so stupid. Honestly, I don't think this is something that has been taught well by the church or by institution. Here I am feeling and knowing that something needs to change with my prayer life and...I honestly don't know where to start. The prayer Jesus teaches the disciples is awesome and if Jesus taught that method it should be all we need, right? I really am confused on this issue. Books upon books upon books about the subject. Why? Honestly, I feel half the time that I'm doing something wrong in my faith and that every eye is waiting to point out my mistakes. I realize that part of that is me but part of that is there are nine different opinions on a subject, all are educated, one doesn't agree with the other and so forth. Ok that wasn't all about prayer. What has happened to the beauty of simplicity? I just want to know that this is okay:

Jesus,

I really suck at life right now. I don't know what is going on in my head, I feel like a failure and I'm scared. Be with my family, my friends and the circle of people that surround me in my life. Help me focus on you and stay in tune to your Spirit. Please forgive me for being a disobedient sinner today and thank you for your Son who on this day you brought back to life. Thank you for his sacrifice and for your love. Give me the strength to carry on. Thank you for being you.

Amen.

Simple. And yet somehow...I feel like that is so wrong and I just don't know why.

On a positive note this week has seen some progress toward Australia. A church I sent a letter to in NC responded with a letter. It was exciting. The pastor took it to his local board and they gave approval to help me by giving 50 dollars. It really made me smile. He even asked that I eat some platypus jerky for him. It was a positive boost. On top of one of the churches from Chesapeake gave me 200. I think all total this week 500 dollars was raised. I would call that a good off week.

Next week the phone calls start again. Pray that that goes well. There is something rolling around in my head and a decision is on the table right now that I ask you to pray for.

Well that is enough for now. Everyone enjoy Resurrection day...

Give one up for Trinity while you're at it.

Liar McLiar Pants

I used that title at the request of my roommate. Today I got some great news. I received 200 dollars worth of support from a church in the Chesapeake district. Really good news in my opinion. That support is worth 10 churches. I'm looking at it like that so it seems huge. It is huge, but I still have along way to go so I can seem small. Plus, 100 dollars I have in my car, plus some I have been personally saving and that gives me about 600. Whoo hooo.

I am honestly just happy that the Pastor returned my call and actually read the letter I sent out.

I titled the blog like I did for another reason...

You know when you call and leave a message on a machine. And the voice mail message goes something like this: Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Well I did and I left a brief message too. I also was smart enough to keep track of churches I left messages with.

So what does that make the churches that don't call me back?

I'm not saying they are bad churches or anything like that. What I am saying is...they didn't call me back.

I just don't know what to make of that really.

So next week I have another round of phone calls ahead of me. I spent the last two calling other districts. Now I'm calling my home ones. Wish me luck.

you wanna make this personal?

One of the best things I read during my undergraduate studies was a biography of St. Augustine. I liked it so much because he was a normal guy who did great things for the kingdom of God. He struggled through life, decisions, understanding, reason and faith. I related so much to him. I love his story, especially how he came to know the Lord.

Another one of the things that endured me to Augustine was his struggle with sin. I'm sure had he been telling some of his stories there probably would have been a few that would make the dog blush. I mean this guy struggled big time. His book Confessions gives such a real and honest glimpse into his early life and many of his youthful struggles. Many of his struggles had to do with...well...lust. What can I say...Augustine loved the ladies...and he admitted that.

There seethed all around me a cauldron of lawless loves. I loved not yet, yet I loved to love, and out of a deep-seated want, I hated myself for wanting not. I sought what I might love, in love with loving, and I hated safety... To love then, and to be beloved, was sweet to me; but more, when I obtained to enjoy the person I loved. I defiled, therefore, the spring of friendship with the filth of concupiscence, and I beclouded its brightness with the hell of lustfulness.

Seriously, we don't talk like that anymore and I wish we did. So real and raw yet poignant and true. I appreciate Augustine and his thoughts because he makes me feel like...I'm not the only one. I think Augustine probably read Romans a lot. And I'm going out on a limb and saying that Paul was probably one his influences.

I've been thinking a lot about what Paul writes in Romans 7 about sin.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

I'm glad Paul wrote that because he makes me feel better too. But at the same time...I feel terrible. I don't want to do things against God, I want to be constantly striving for holiness, I don't want to mar the name of Christ by my actions, words or life. I have seen too many times people who have been great leaders or influences for the Kingdom of Heaven taken down by sin. I absolutely do not want to contribute to that...ever. I just don't want to ever bring question to my Lord and Savior...which means...I need to be in tune with the Spirit.

This week I'm trying to do something to help me get to that. Say a prayer for me and lets see how this goes.

simple

I miss the dry heat of summer, the cool breeze coming in off the ocean, the way the house swayed in the breeze. Sitting on the porch watching a storm form over the ocean and watching the rain move right at you. I miss making bon fires on the beach and waiting for the perfect wave. I miss route 12 and driving down it at night with the lights off and watching the road disappear in the moon light. I miss standing out on the beach watching the light from Bodie and Hatteras pass over the night sky. I miss feeling like nothing could be simpler...

So why is everything so complicated?

down

I have felt down pretty much all day today. Not too sure why. I read a couple of chapters in a book about John Wesley, I realize that I am a lot like him.

I borrowed a couple of books from my friend Andy about prayer. Work was...work.

To be quite honest...I just want to find a hole somewhere and disappear.

I promise I won't though...






good night

exhaused, but no sleep

So to continue about today. Had a good lunch with my friend Pat and Josh. We then went back to our coffee shop and we all broke out our laptops and went back to work. I spent some time calling more churches, citibank to straighten out more things with them and some reading time.

I had a moment of utter frustration and disappointment. I called a pastor who said he hadn't received my letter, so I begin to tell him about it and asked if it would be okay to send him another one in the mail or email him. He said "Yeah I'll save you the stamp, I can't help you". Well, I think that is about as close to what he said as I can remember, I think I was fighting back anger and maybe tears.

I have received a good number of uplifting comments and had a few really great conversations. But this one guy had the potential to set all those on the floor and stomp them. I really was upset for probably two hours after that. I don't know what it is about moments like that, they just take the wind right out of my sails.

I got a reply to an email I mailed Stan, the pastor I'm going to work for. One of the things that stuck out to me was this "To be very honest I have been somewhat discouraged". He was referring to the affects of his surgery and how he wishes he could have done so much more during his recovery time.

I really admire that and it stuck out to me because,

1. this is coming from a well seasoned minster
2. who is also a great leader of the church
3. who struggles with difficulties in ministry and life
4. yet still carries on and pushes forward in the name of the Lord

that was encouraging. I know full well that this man would have absolutely done more. I'm almost certain he did more than he should have during his recovering time too.

I need some of that...cause these moments like today can cancel out two days worth of work and good news. But I try to just keep holding on to the fact I am doing this for God. He's with me and He is going to meet my needs and watch my back.

Oh God hear me, this is my prayer. Keep me going when it starts to get tough. Keep me focused, keep my head up and my heart pointed toward you. Thank you for your blessings and provisions. Thanks for breathe in my lungs. Amen

getting stuff done

Today has started off productive. I got a phone call about 9:30 from a Pastor McQuinn from the East NY district. We talked for a few minutes about what I'm trying to do. We talked about ministry and he took a minute to pray for me. It was a great start to the day.

I started to write another blog this morning that I have not finished. It will be posted I'm just trying to sort out what I want to say.

I came up to work, read the paper for a bit, downloaded some Led Zeppelin off itunes and talked to my good friend Andy who is currently sitting across from me doing greek homework. I do not envy him.

In about an hour (when all the pastors should be back from lunch), I am going to try to finish making my first round of phone calls. The next round is going to be me calling their personal numbers. I spent the first round calling their offices and leaving messages. Hey, after the money and time I've spent I just want some returned phone calls.

I am making slow progress, but progress none the less.

Well thats a little update for the day. I'll get back to you this afternoon sometime.

Cherrio

Postive progess/dodging bullets

two blogs for the price of one!!!!!

consider yourself lucky.

Anyway, yesterday was an amazingly productive day. I called about 30 churches in the Chesapeake district. I had 4 very positive responses. One told me that he was impressed by my approach and the uniqueness of my letter. I got a phone call back from a pastor who said he could definitely support me with 20 dollars, but would try his best to get more for me next Sunday when they have their missions offering.

It was a really uplifting day. So I continued calling today...not too much luck. I'm not giving up though...my strategy is working. I've just got to get my last letters out and start calling like a mad man. I've still got 3 districts left on the first batch of letters...

So...we'll see.

Last night I sat down and processed all the loose ends I have left hanging.

I have feared for a while I had student loans hanging out there in the ether that I hadn't taken care of.

Well...I did. It wasn't really my fault though...Citibank kinda...short changed me in my consolidation process.

Well they got turned over to a collection agency...not a good thing. So today I went and talked to the proper people...showed them my paper work...told them what I'm trying to do and...bam. Situation on its way to a very nice resolution.

One less thing on the laundry list of things I lose sleep over.

I feel so irresponsible sometimes and it feels good to take the reigns of something and get it resolved.

Oh look...little Jason is growing up...awww

overdrive

I decided since I hadn't written a post in a few days I'd come down to work and enjoy the nice sunshine and bum our internet.

Happy Birthday to the Meeks boys...many safe returns.

So the last couple of nights at work have been slow. So slow nights = me alone with my brain. Not necessarily a good thing.

You have to understand something. My brain is like an Aston Martin DB9 V 12 engine running on jet fuel. It is going all the time. And I don't really have a shut off switch either. So most of the time...I just have to wait until it runs out of gas. This is not fun at 1 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep because I have to be at work at 5:30.

Sometimes it is noticeable in my mood changes. If I'm sitting quietly looking off into space...I am probably off somewhere in the far corners of my mind thinking about...who knows what. On the outside I may be my normal high gear bouncing off the walls self while my mind is griding gears like a kid learning manual transmission for the first time.

But on those days when I am feeling....mellow...man does it ever show. I think this is why people think I'm usually one extreme or the other. I was working with my friend Katherine and she noticed that I was quieter than normal. I was thinking about a lot of stuff all at once. Within a hour...I was back to joking around and cutting up.

The other bad thing is my mind is highly analytical. I inherited that from my genius father and grandfather. There minds where geared toward mechanical things and I have never seen anyone...on earth in my opinion better with that sort of thing. Yes, I am bragging...they are cool guys.

My mind is geared toward life things. So I try to understand people, situations, emotions, relationships, actions and words. These things intrigue me because they are a major part of our human experience. Why do we get worked up over this? Or why does this bother me or you? What makes a person say that or do that?

I also think about how all of this fits into God's plan for us. So I am thinking about all these humanly things and processing how it relates to our relationship with God. This is a daily thing.

Example: My friend Joy was talking to me about 1st Corinthians 13 last night. She was asking me about a certain word that was used in the passage and its meaning. So being the scholar that I am....I went to the Greek (two pats on the back for me). Looked up the word and then had a debate. However, being the not so great scholar at Greek that I am (pats taken away) I was having a difficult time explaining things. Which made me really want to study Greek more...because the more I know about Greek the better I will be at reading scripture and the better at explaining it. This is important to me because understanding scripture is understanding what God is saying to us. Pretty big deal.

My biggest struggle is harnessing my mind and using it 100% of the time to understand my/our relationship with God and his words to us (Bible). I spend so much time thinking about things that don't matter.

I'm trying to get my mind to the place that Paul talks about in Colossians 3:2

On that note...until tomorrow. Peace